Eight instances in life where staying silent is the best thing to do

Know when to keep silent

BY Mark Olweny-Omalla

In life, the moments we choose to stay silent often speak louder than any words we could utter. Silence, when used wisely, can be a powerful tool for handling various situations effectively. Whether it’s cooling down during an argument, listening more intently, or deciding not to engage in gossip, knowing when to hold your tongue can change the outcome of many scenarios for the better. 

In this article, I explore eight specific instances where silence isn’t just golden, but is advantageous. It  allows you to navigate your life with more wisdom and grace.

1. When you’re angry

We’ve all been here. Caught in the heat of an argument, emotions are high and everyone’s on the defensive. It’s in these instances that staying silent can be  most beneficial. When we’re angry, we tend to say things we don’t mean and later regret. It’s a knee-jerk reaction to protect ourselves and our ego.

But, is it really worth it?

Choosing to hold your tongue can prevent a lot of unnecessary heartache and damage. It allows you to gather your thoughts, calm your emotions, and respond in a more controlled manner once the storm has passed. And it’s not just me saying this, in fact, many wise people have expressed similar views that everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. So next time you’re fuming, remember silence may just be the best response.

2. When you’re unsure

Confession time! I hav been guilty before of trying to sound knowledgeable about a topic I knew little about. But guess what? It backfired. I was in a meeting discussing the movements of the Luo. Wanting to impress, I jumped in with my thoughts, only to realise they were unfounded and wrong. The room went silent and it was painfully clear that I had no clue about what I was talking about. Silence would’ve been golden, before I made my views heard, in that instance. If you’re unsure about something or lack the necessary information, it’s okay to stay quiet. It gives you the chance to listen, learn, and gather the information needed to form an educated opinion. As the old saying goes, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt that you are actually a fool”.  

3. When you’re listening

Listening is an art that not everyone has mastered. In my journey as a mindfulness enthusiast, I have learned that listening truly to someone, can make a huge difference. It’s when we are silent and attentive that we are able to comprehend and understand what the other person is saying. It shows respect and allows for effective communication. It is about being present, but letting the other person speak, without planning your response or interrupting with your own story. 

4. When criticism isn’t constructive

Criticism is a tricky area. When it is constructive, it can lead to growth and improvement.  But when it is plain negative, it can be damaging and unproductive. We are more likely to remember and react to negative experiences than positive ones. This means that negative criticism can stick with us and affect our self-esteem and performance. So, what should you do when you’re faced with unconstructive criticism? Stay silent. Responding to negative criticism often just fuels the fire and wastes your energy. Instead, choose not to engage. Take a moment to reflect on whether there’s any truth to the criticism. If there isn’t, let it slide. How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours. So, choose silence as your reaction to unconstructive criticism.

5. When your silence can speak volumes

Here’s a twist. Sometimes, staying silent is the loudest statement you can make. Sounds paradoxical, right? There are moments when you are expected to react, to defend yourself, to argue back. But what if you don’t? What if you choose silence instead? In those instances, your silence can be a powerful tool. It can communicate your disapproval, your boundaries, or your refusal to engage in negativity.

6. When someone else is taking credit for your work

It’s a tough situation to be in. You have worked hard on a project or function, only for someone else to swoop in and take the credit. It is natural to want to stand up and shout about your involvement. But, is that the best course of action?  Does calling them out publicly benefit you or does it make you look petty? Is there a way to handle it privately? Often, staying silent at the moment and addressing the situation later can be more beneficial. This protects your professional image, and reduces workplace drama.

7. When you are processing grief or loss

Grief is a heavy burden to bear. When loss hits, it can feel like a tidal wave of emotions that leaves you gasping for air.

People often feel the need to fill the silence with words of comfort, condolences, or even well-meaning advice.

But sometimes, all you need is SILENCE. It allows you to process your emotions, to reflect, and to just be with your feelings. It Is okay not to have any words to say. It is okay not to be okay. And it’s more than okay to seek silence and solitude when you are navigating the rough waters of grief.

8. When you’re tempted to gossip

We all know how enticing a juicy piece of gossip can be. It’s like a siren’s song, luring us into sharing it with others. But here’s the thing, gossip breeds negativity. It can harm relationships, damage reputations, and create a toxic environment. When the temptation to gossip strikes, staying silent can be your best bet. It shows your integrity and prevents unnecessary drama. Abstaining from gossip also helps in fostering a positive and trustworthy image for yourself among your peers. After all, if you don’t spread gossip about others, they are more likely to trust that you won’t spread it about them either.

 Reflecting on the power of silence.

Understanding when to remain silent can significantly enhance the quality of both our interactions and our internal peace. The above eight scenarios underscore the diverse benefits of choosing silence - from avoiding unnecessary conflicts and fostering deeper understanding to preserving personal dignity and strengthening emotional resilience.

Silence is not about inaction; rather, it’s a strategic choice that can lead to more thoughtful and impactful actions. By recognizing the power of silence in these instances, we equip ourselves with a subtle yet strong tool to enhance our relationships and personal well-being.

Remember, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.

******

Mark Olweny-Omalla,  Koch Clan Leader.

e-mail: markolweny_omalla@yahoo.com

The development of Dhopadhola

Among the approved O-level subjects examined by 
the National Examinal Board is dhopadhola 

By Gabriel Obbo-Katandi

Padhola through the leadership of His Highness Kwar Adhola has embraced the government's White Paper of 1992, that introduces policies that aim to eradicate literacy and emphasizes teaching nursery and lower primary pupils, in a language they are familiar with - preferablily their mother language.

The  main emphasis of the  curriculum developed then was the development of learners' skill in numeracy, literary and  life skills. All these were thought better done in a language that the learners are familiar with. In case of Jopadhola children in Padhola, this was dhopadhola

To meet the  requirements of the  Ministry of the  Education and Sport then, Kwar Adhola and The Adhola Cultural Institution (TACI) introduced a ministry of  Dhopadhola Development and a language  Board.

The Dhopadhola Language  Board developed dhopadhola authography which was accepted by  Ministry  of Education and Sport after the  approval process by National Curriculum Development Centre in Kyambogo.  

The  completion of this stage enabled the official acceptance of the dhopadhola language to be used as medium of  instruction in nursery and  lower primary (P-3)  in all dhopadhola  speaking areas  

That stage also allowed Dhopadhola to be taught in Padhola as a subject. 

Dhopadhola is  now asubject from Primary 4 though to Primary 7. The development of Dhopadhola Authography has enabled it  to be taught as one of the elective subjects at lower secondary  education in  Uganda. 

At O-level, among the National Curriculum approved subjects is dhopadhola and indeed at the National Examinal Board, and we have had several candidates at the level in the past few years. 

Makerere University the school of linguistics offers dhopadhola as one the  languages of study among the Luo languages.  We now have candidates who are taking Dhopadhola as a language of study for Doctorate of philosophy PhD.  

These achievements have  come with a number of challenges.

At the district of Tororo headquarters,  where the  Language Board  for  Dhopadhola is supposed to operate from, there has been very little support realised.

Despite  the existance of authograph  many people have not adopted it's use.  This is common even among those who attempt to write dhopadhola books

Archbishop Obbo hands Museveni a bible
Although the churches  (Christians) have the Holy Bible
in dhopadhola, they need to have a deliberate effort to help their
 institutions to use correct dhopadhola in spoken and written from

Many people speak very poor dhopadhola. These may be common because schools for over 50 years have not put much interest in ensuring proper dhopadhola is spoken and written. The  situation of dhopadhola at family and community is  probabily even worse.

Because of lack of resources, not many activities have occured to develop dhopadhola beyond the approval process and the use of dhopadhola in educational institutions. 

Although the churches  (Christians) have the Holy Bible in dhopadhola, they need to have a deliberate effort to help their institutions to use correct dhopadhola in spoken and written from.

Probabily you and me  are waiting for occasion when the Tieng Adhola  Cultural Institution will fully adopt and adopt to the use of dhopadhola since it is the institutions official language.

Use of Dhopadhola in school was also done with inadequate preparations for  teachers. Therefore Dhopadhola as a subject does not have firm custodians in the educational institutions. 

We badly need  resources to support the growth of correct dhopadhola among  our people.

It is a strong hope that with help of the new radio station, the coming television together with increased activities among the Jopadhola,  we shall over come some of these challege.

With  the help of God Almighty and adequate seriousness from all the  people of Padhola, we always hope for the best.

****

Hon. Gabriel Obbo-Katandi is Minister for Dhopadhola Development Tieng Adhola Cultural Institution.

This article was written for the 25th Coronation Anniversary magazine

Eight bible stories that will help you become a better person

By Mark Olweny-Omalla

Growing as a person often comes from understanding and embracing the right values. And where better to find those than in the Bible?

The Bible, filled with countless stories, offers insight into human nature, life lessons, and moral guidance.

Each story we read can help us contemplate our actions and behaviors, pushing us to become better versions of ourselves.

In this article, I’ll share eight Bible stories that have personally influenced me to be a better person. These stories aren’t just religious teachings; they’re powerful narratives that can inspire anyone, irrespective of their faith.

So, ready to dive into these transformative tales? Let’s get started.

(1) The story of David and Goliath.

We’ve all heard the phrase “David versus Goliath” used to describe an underdog situation. But have you ever delved deeper into the actual story?

In the Bible, David, a young shepherd boy, decides to confront Goliath, a giant warrior who has been terrifying the Israelites. Armed with just a sling and stones, David defeats Goliath, proving that faith and courage can help us overcome seemingly insurmountable challenges.

This story is more than just an underdog tale. It’s a powerful lesson about courage, belief, and resilience, values that are essential for personal growth.

By embracing these values in our own lives, we can face our challenges head-on, no matter how daunting they may seem.

Remember, it’s not about the size of the challenge, but the strength of your belief and determination. Like David, we have the potential to overcome any Goliath in our lives.

(2) The story of the Good Samaritan.

The story of the Good Samaritan is one that has personally impacted my life. It’s a tale about a man who, against all societal norms and expectations, helps a stranger in need.

In the story, the Samaritan comes across a man who has been beaten and left for dead on the road. Despite their cultural differences and the potential danger, the Samaritan stops to help when others had passed him by.

I’ve found myself reflecting on this story during times when it’s easier to look away from someone in need. It reminds me that kindness isn’t about convenience, it’s about compassion.

A few years ago, while I was working with United Nations Mission in South Sudan (UNMISS), I came across a homeless, but normal man in the outskirts of Juba, during a particularly rainy and cold day. I could have easily driven past him, like so many others did. But remembering the story of the Good Samaritan, I decided to stop. I offered him a lift (despite UN vehicle use restrictions), gave him meals and helped him find a shelter nearby UN Camp for three weeks, before he could find some relatives to stay with.

The story of the Good Samaritan teaches us to cross boundaries, break norms, and extend our hand to those in need. It’s helped me become more compassionate and considerate, and I hope it does the same for you.

(3) The story of Jonah and the Whale.

The narrative of Jonah and the Whale is a captivating tale of disobedience, repentance, and God’s mercy. When God instructs Jonah to go to Nineveh and warn its people of their impending doom due to their wicked ways, Jonah attempts to flee in the opposite direction. The result? He ends up in the belly of a great fish, where he remains for three days and nights.

During this time, Jonah prays for forgiveness and promises to obey God’s commands in the future. God, in His mercy, commands the fish to spit Jonah out onto dry land.

This story serves as a reminder about the importance of obedience, reflection, and repentance. It shows us that running away from our responsibilities doesn’t solve our problems; instead, it often leads to more complicated situations.

In an intriguing twist, Nineveh – a city renowned for its wickedness – heeds Jonah’s warning and repents, thereby avoiding destruction. This showcases that change is possible, no matter how deep-seated our flaws may seem.

(4) The story of Ruth and Naomi.

The story of Ruth and Naomi is a beautiful testament to loyalty, love, and the power of commitment. After the death of their husbands, Naomi decides to return to her homeland. She urges her daughters-in-law, Orpah and Ruth, to stay in their homeland and start a new life. Orpah heeds Naomi’s advice, but Ruth refuses to leave Naomi’s side.

Ruth’s famous words, “Where you go, I will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God,” reflect an astonishing level of devotion and loyalty.

Ruth’s loyalty pays off. She remarries in Naomi’s homeland, providing a secure future for both of them. Her great-grandson is none other than King David, making Ruth an ancestor of Jesus Christ.

This story imparts the importance of loyalty and commitment to family. It shows us that our actions have long-term consequences and can significantly impact not just our lives but those around us as well.

(5) The story of the Prodigal Son.

The parable of the Prodigal Son touches the heart like few other stories can. It’s a tale of a father’s unwavering love for his wayward son and the beauty of forgiveness.

The younger of two sons asks for his inheritance early, squanders it in reckless living, and finds himself in dire straits. In his desolation, he returns home, prepared to beg his father to accept him as a servant. Instead, his father welcomes him back with open arms, rejoicing that his lost son has returned.

This story resonates deeply with anyone who’s made mistakes and yearned for acceptance and forgiveness. The father’s love in this story is a reflection of God’s love for us – unconditional and everlasting.

It’s a powerful reminder that no mistake is too big to be forgiven, and it’s never too late to seek redemption. We, too, can learn to forgive like the father in the parable, embracing those who have wronged us with understanding and compassion.

(6) The story of Job.

The story of Job is a profound exploration of faith in the face of immense suffering. Job, a prosperous and righteous man, loses everything – his wealth, his children, and his health. Yet, he refuses to curse God and holds onto his faith.

There was a time in my life when I felt overwhelmed by loss of my mother at my tender age and later, my father too. Much like Job, I found myself questioning why such hardships were befalling me. In these moments, I turned to the story of Job for solace and strength.

Job’s unwavering faith despite his sufferings taught me the power of perseverance and belief. It showed me that even in our darkest hours, holding onto faith can guide us through. It also taught me that it’s okay to question and seek understanding during our trials.

The tale of Job is a reminder that faith isn’t just about rejoicing in blessings only, but also about remaining steadfast during adversities. It’s about finding hope amid despair and light in the darkest corners.

(7) The story of Esther.

The story of Esther is an inspiring tale of courage, faith, and strategic wisdom. Esther, a Jewish girl, becomes the Queen of Persia. When she learns about a plan to annihilate all Jews in the kingdom, she risks her life to save her people.

Esther’s bravery in standing up for her people, even at the risk of her own life, is a powerful example for us all. It shows us that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but the decision that something else is more important than fear.

Moreover, the story of Esther encourages us to use our positions, whatever they may be, to stand up for what is right and to protect those who are helpless. It’s a reminder that we all have a role to play in making the world a better place.

(8) The story of Jesus’ Resurrection.

The resurrection of Jesus Christ is the cornerstone of Christian faith and one of the most transformative stories in the Bible. After being crucified, Jesus rises from the dead, symbolizing victory over sin and death.

This event isn’t just a religious miracle; it’s a testament to the power of hope, renewal, and triumph over adversity. It affirms that no matter how dire the circumstances, there’s always a possibility for redemption and resurrection.

The resurrection story encourages us to persevere through our struggles, knowing that they are not the end but a pathway to a new beginning. It teaches us that with faith, hope, and love, we can overcome any adversity life throws our way.

Final reflection: The power of stories.

At the heart of every Bible story, there is a human experience that transcends time and culture. Each narrative holds a mirror to our lives, reflecting our struggles, triumphs, weaknesses, and strengths.

Through the lives of David, Ruth, Job, Esther and others, we get glimpses of courage, loyalty, perseverance, and faith. They teach us that we too can overcome our Goliaths, remain loyal in the face of adversity, hold onto faith in times of despair, and stand up for what’s right.

In the resurrection of Jesus Christ, we find hope for renewal and triumph over adversity. It assures us that no matter how dire our circumstances may be, there’s always a possibility for redemption and resurrection.

These eight Bible stories above are not just tales from an ancient book; they are lessons for life. And as we apply these lessons to our own lives, we become not just better individuals but also contributors to a better world.

So as you move forward, remember these lessons. Reflect on them in times of challenge and change. Let them guide you to become the best version of yourself. After all, the power to change lies within each one of us.

*****

Mark Olweny Omalla is 2nd Deputy Jago and Koch Clan Leader. This article was written for the 25th Kwar Adhola Coronation anniversary

Jopadhola family in the 21st century: Is it strong, is it changing, Or is it in crisis?

By Mark Olweny-Omalla

A family is traditionally defined as a group consisting of two parents ( a father and a mother) and their children living together as a unit. To belong to family is to feel you have someone who you can count on who shares your joys and problems. It also means to have respect and responsibility for each other. Family is an important word we use to refer to people we love. 

Family was God’s idea. In Gen 1:27, 28, it is said: “God created them, male and female. He blessed them and said, “Be fruitful, increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it”. We are more than conquerors if we work together as family. 

In Padhola, even long before the coming of Christianity and Bible we have been and we are “our brothers’ keepers”, because we value family.

Did you know that? 

• Of all children born in Padhola from early 1990s, about 25% of them are born out of wedlock (marriage) and sometimes their fathers are not known or revealed.

• As much as about 75% of all couples cohabit for some time before marriage. The trend is for people to get formally married later in life. The average age at first marriage for the elite family is about 25 year of age for women and about 30 years for men. 

• Teen pregnancy prevalence has continued to rise in Padhola and generally in Uganda where 25% of all teenage girls have had a child or are pregnant 

• Landscape for children is changing where;

- about 40% of young adults grew up with cohabiting parents 

- 20% of children live with step parents and/or step siblings,  these children have 30% higher chance of developing aggressive behaviour. 

This is clear evidence that the family is changing, but not for the better. In fact the family, in this era, is indeed in crisis. 

Family power dynamics

In families where Dad’s word is a command the boys will grow up to be bossy and the girls may learn to be so submissive that they are almost scared of their husbands and think that is what it is meant to be. Of course there are cases where Mum is “she who must be obeyed”. Where gender roles are strictly prescribed, e.g. child care is a mother’s role, the father may end up being uninvolved or absent in the lives of his children. Where everything is left to the mother, she gets overworked and overwhelmed and is then accused of not paying attention to her husband anymore. When a child is sexually abused in childhood, he or she is likely to sexually abuse children when he or she grows up, and the cycle continues. 

Nature of parents’ relationship

Children who are sure that Mum and Dad love each other grow up into confident, focused and well-adjusted adults. Otherwise they are at the risk of doing drugs and alcohol to escape from the constant anxiety they feel. 

Parenting style – soft or strict parent? 

Some parents give in to whatever demands their children make, under the pretext that they suffered a lot of poverty in their childhood and don’t want their children to suffer a similar experience. They fail to set boundaries and direction for their children. They produce selfish adults who respect no one’s rights except their own. They suffer from “affluenza”. On the other hand parents that are too strict bring up very timid children with very under-developed cognitive abilities, since they never need to think, but only to obey. 

Number of children

On the one hand having a large number of siblings could develop the children’s collaborative and sharing skills. But, it can also result in clique formation, Siblings infighting and in many cases inadequacy of the essentials of life, such as food. This may lead to much anxiety. 

An absentee parent

A young single parent recently testified  that she cannot spend quality time with her son since her job is very demanding . She had ended up sending the child to boarding school. Parental absenteeism denies the children a chance to learn moral values and life skills from parents. The son of a friend of mine committed suicide and in the father’s lamentation he blamed his son’s death on his own pre-occupation with matters of state and ignoring the needs on his son, growing up. Parents, when our children are young they crave for our love and attention, but when they grow up we crave their Love and attention. Woe to you if you were not there when they needed you. They will also not be there when you need them. 

Family events and how they affect family members

• Unfaithfulness. Children are revolted when they find out, but they too will grow up to behave in a similar manner 

• Divorce. Divorce deeply destabilizes the children. Their love and loyalty to both of you is divided. Someone once wondered, “why we, adults, expect our children to deal with issues that we couldn’t handle?”

• Unemployment. It threatens the family as the husband/father’s sense of self-worth is shattered. That makes it very difficult, if not impossible, for him to play his family roles as its Head.. 

• Domestic violence . Whatever the reason for domestic violence is, it is bad and must be condemned in the strongest terms possible. The only way to impress your wife with how strong you are is to challenge Golola to dual at the wrestling ring. Fighting someone who is obviously weaker than you is hypocrisy and can appear to be a pre-emptive strike against someone you are afraid of. 

• Mental and physical health difficulties are probably what God had in mind when he required us to vow, “in sickness and in good health or for better or for worse”. Marriage is not always just a bed of roses. The roses often come with their painfully piercing thorns. 

****

Mark Olweny-Omalla is the 2nd Deputy Jago and Koch Clan Leader.

This article was written to mark the 25th Coronation anniversary of Kwar Adhola

Nyasigala – the cradle of Tieng Adhola

 

Swearinng in of first TACI cabinet

By Mark Olweny-Omalla

From the pre-colonial days; Jopadhola were clustered communities and clans headed by clan leaders. There were more or less uniform pattern of value, norms, customs and traditions across the board.

Each community, clan or family had well-established all embracing cultural and social norms that regulated the behaviour character and conduct of everyone. Family heads, elders, neighbours and/or clan leaders applied their socially accepted norms to ensure compliancy. Disciplinary measures, sanctions, etc. were regularly taken against defaulter by the community or clan leaders/council for any offense committed as well as rewarding any bravery or courage exhibited by anyone.

The Jopadhola voluntarily took or accepted communal responsibility to sustain those value, custom, traditions, cultural aspirations and therefore communally and collectively rejected deviant behaviour character and conduct not appropriate. Overseeing all this, was a the head of community or clan.

However the following unfolding phenomena negatively influenced or diluted the long traditions, customs and culture;

a.   The coming of Christian Missionaries doctrines; The introduction of Anglican faith in 1877 and Roman Catholic faith in 1879 and in addition to Islam which had been introduced earlier in 1844, which later spread to Padhola around the 1918s divided the converts along those religious denominations. The religion coverts engaged in vigorous crusade to win fellowship for themselves gradually distorting the underlying values of unity, tolerance, generosity, peaceful coexistence, harmony, respect which the Jopadhola had enjoyed over a long period of time. Members of the same community, clan or family started identifying themselves along different religion. The ultimate result was that even brothers who belonged to different religious sect could not share an idea on social problems or even food. A child from a catholic family would have to travel several miles away passing an Anglican school to study in a catholic school and vice-versa is very true.

b.  Colourization and spread of Buganda Administration; In 1894, Buganda was proclaimed a British Protectorate and in the years that followed other ethnic committees, Jopadhola inclusive were herded together through military conquest and/or administrative coercion, annexation in colonial government structure to form Uganda despite difference in languages, culture, social value and set up.

c.   The pre-independence political parts were started and sustained along religious sects for instance, the democratic party (DP) generally believed to be predominantly for Catholics while the Uganda Peoples Congress (UPC) were for Anglicans. Consequently and empirically, the members of different political and religious groups in Padhodla became hostile to one another for example a DP supporter could not be entertained in the house of a UPC supporter even when they were brothers or blood relatives.

d.  The Lakwena civil war and Force Obote Back Again (FOBA) pitted Jopadhola against each other because of either support or no support for those rebellions after the advent of NRM administration in 1986.

e.   The Bukedi Tax grievience rebellion of 1960 which pitted the colonial chiefs against the peasant class when properties of the then chief and their stooges were destroyed.

Due to these circumstances and many other not mentioned, several leaders sought ways of invigorating meaningful unity cultivate peace and create harmony  and development within Padhola.

An opportunity emerged when the 1995 constitution, Article 246, provided for the formation and establishment of institution of cultural and traditional leadership

The idea of an umbrella Cultural Institution was floated.

Roger Jassa Kwero (RIP) who was a Clan Leader of Loli at that time, mooted the idea which he wanted to share with other clan leaders.

On Saturday 17th August 1996, he convened a meeting of willing Clan Leaders at his home at Nyasigala in Mulanda Sub-county. This first meeting that was attended by 39 Clan Leaders, unanimously nominated him as the Interim Leader and the participants universally resolved to establish Adhola Cultural Institution (ACI) which was later modified to be TIENG ADHOLA CULTURAL INSTITUTION.

It is sufficient to say that he triumphed mainly with support of Yolam Obbo Pegele and many of us who were his peers.

Consultation meetings followed at Mahanga Secondary School at Nagongera, Shimon Teachers’ Training College in Kampala, while smaller groups of Organising Committee members frequently met at the Crested Towers Restaurant and Tororo, which later culminated into a Grand Meeting of representatives of 52 clans, when the reigning Kwar Adhola, Moses Stephen Owor was elected.

On that historical day, I attended that meeting as Koch Clan Leader as well as a representative of Jopadhola working and living in Kampala.

During the meeting, I conveyed one important message from Kampala - urged the delegates to select the best suited and not simple elect any aspiring candidate.

In Dhopadhola, I said, Wangini rume, wayeri wini, wakiri wa dimi. I explained the true meaning of Yero as opposed to Dimo.

It emerged that there were three aspiring candidates Mr. Rogers Jassa Kwero, Mr. Moses Stephen Owor and Mr. Owor Kaburu.

The late Akisofer Ogolla requested me to play the role of Shuttle Diplomat, to consult and harmonise with supporters of each candidate in order to thwart the divisive and sectarian rivalry and cool tempers associated with elections. I indeed moved from camp to camp consulting with all in order to generate consensus on the most suitable candidate.

When we entered the Council Hall again,  there were whispers of consensus, unanimous agreement to have only one candidate nominated and I communicated my findings to Akisoferi Ogolla (RIP), the Clan Leader of Kijwala wod’Akwoyo,  He expressed his pleasure and nominated Mr. Moses Stephen Owor, the Bendo Clan Leader.

He was seconded by Zachar Ochieng Odoi (RIP). Immediately, Mr. Yolamu Obbo Pegele, Ddee Clan Leader, rose up and proposed that Nominations be closed and there was unanimous applause that marked the election of Kwar Adhola Moses Stephen Owor who has wisely, successfully and steadily championed Unity, Peace and Development that Padhola is experiencing to date.

From August 1996 to August 1999, Rogers Jassa Kwero (RIP) distinguished himself as an assertive Jago/Prime Minister of Tieng Adhola Cultural Institution.

Diplomacy, hard work and integrity were the attributes of Jassa Kwero, an example of a Japadhola who does not use power as a village tool for domination and self-aggrandisement.

Jassa Kwero is one of the unsung heroes of Padhola who deserves a place in our hearts for generations to come. 

Jassa Kwero, the First Jago/Prime Minster was a fine leader and light that Padhola continues to remember.

*****

Mark Olweny Omalla is 2nd Deputy Jago and Koch Clan Leader) & a Rogers Jassa Kwero’s Peer and comrade.

This article was written to mark the 25th Coronation anniversary of Kwar Adhola

To be in your children’s memory tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today

 

Kwar Adhola interacting with children. Children grow to cherish 
what they do when loved and cared for

By Mark Olweny-Omalla

While there is little you can do about your ancestors, there is something that you can do about your descendants. One thing that prevents a man from being a good father is that he hasn’t completed being a boy.

To be in your children’s memory tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. Having children doesn’t make you a father. Raising them does.

There are many of us who were raised up in unstable families, but we don’t have to pass it on to our children. We don’t have to fight in the presence of our children. We can choose to shield their emotions from our disputes as adults.

To a large extent, you are a product of your early relationships. Unstable parents create insecure children. Stable parents raise stable children. Children need affection (hugs), attention (listening) and affirmation (positive words), every day.

When a man loves his wife, it creates security and stability. The best gift a father can give his children is to love their mother. Children learn how to handle feelings, losses, failure and conflicts at home.

Regrettably, parenting can neither be delegated nor suspended for a while as we work for the ring of fame and fortune. The growth of children is irreversible. Like a young tree, it takes the bends directed by the gardener, so is the life of a child. You can’t shape it in adulthood; you can’t pick it from where you left after you reach the top in your career pursuits. It’s always easier to model young boys than to rehabilitate grown up men.

No amount of gifts and meeting financial obligations can replace your personal presence. Any written WILL can be torn in a few years after the demise of the writer of the will. The only sure inheritance that you can leave behind is the investment you make in your child, not for your child.

Here are twelve strategies that will help you become a more authoritative parent:

1.  Listen to your child

Unlike authoritarian parents, who believe children should be seen and not heard, authoritative parents welcome their children’s opinions. So whether your child is telling you the same joke for the tenth time, or he’s sharing a long-winded story, be a good listener. Giving your child positive attention goes a long way toward preventing behaviour problems.

 

2.  Validate Your Child’s Emotions

Authoritative parents acknowledge their children’s feelings. So the next time your child is upset, resist minimizing your child’s feelings by saying, “stop crying, there’s no reason to get upset.” To him, it might be a big deal. Instead, Validate his emotions by saying, “I know you are really sad right now.” Correct his behaviour, not his emotions. Tell him it’s OK to feel angry, but give him consequences for that action.

 

3.  Consider Your Child’s Feelings

Being authoritative means taking your child’s feelings into consideration. That doesn’t mean, however, that your child gets an equal vote - that would constitute permissive parenting. So if you’re planning to move across the country, ask him how he feels about the move - but don’t ask him if it’s OK if you move. They feel more secure when they know adults know best.

 

4.  Establish Clear Rules.

Authoritative parents have clear household rules and they explain the reasons behind their rules. So rather than saying, “Go to sleep because I said so, “say, “Go to sleep so that you can help your body and brain growth.” When your child understands the reasons behind your rules, he’ll likely follow the rules when you aren’t there to enforce them.

5.  Offer One Warning for Minor Issues

Authoritative parents give immediate consequences for rule violations. But for minor issues, they offer a warning. They tell children what the consequence will be if they don’t change their behaviour.

6.  Use Consequences That Teach Life Lessons

Authoritative parents don’t make kids suffer for their mistakes. They avoid shaming children and they don’t use corporal punishment. They don’t say things like, “I’m so disappointed in you”. They help a child see he made a bad choice, but he’s not a bad person.

7.  Offer Incentives

Authoritative parents use rewards to motivate children. When a child is struggling with a specific behaviour problem, they use incentives to help a child get back on track.

 

8.  Let Your Child Make Little Choices

Authoritative parents give options over little choices. This empowers kids and will prepare them to make bigger decisions later in life. So ask your child, “Do you want to clean your room before or after dinner?” The key is to make sure you can live with either choice.

9.  Balance Freedom with Responsibility

Authoritative parents expect their kids to be responsible and they set them up for success. An example:

·      A child often forgets to pack all of the items she needs for school. Her parents create a checklist for her. Provide extra support initially, but make sure that your child isn’t becoming more dependent on you to tell him what to do.

10.             Turn mistakes into learning opportunities.

Authoritative parents don’t embarrass kids for making mistakes. So when your child makes a mistake, explain why her behaviour was a bad choice.

11.             Encourage Self-Discipline

Don’t calm your child down every time he’s upset. Teach him how to calm himself down. And don’t nag your child to do his chores. Help him become more responsible for getting his work done on his own.

12.             Maintain A Healthy Relationship with Your Child

Authoritative parenting isn’t about barking orders. Instead, it’s about being a good role model and teaching kids life skills.

Unlike authoritarian parents, authoritative parents are warm and loving. Set aside a few minutes every day to give your child your undivided attention – even on the days when they behave badly.  

 

*****

Mark Olweny Omalla is 2^nd Deputy Jago and Koch Clan Leader